How to Cheat at Checkers

Cheating at Checkers

So it’s come to this. You’re sitting in your dimly-lit room or bustling office, and you’ve managed to work up the courage to search for “how to cheat at checkers.” Congratulations. You’ve confirmed my growing suspicion that humanity is racing headlong into oblivion.

Now that I’ve given you the obligatory chastisement for trying to cheat at a game that most people associate with children and the elderly, let’s dive into some devious ways that you can befuddle and ultimately defeat your opponent without a shred of actual skill. And once we’re finished, be sure to check out my bonus sections on how to cheat at coin tosses and how to cheat at Hide and Go Seek.

Cheating Online with Checker’s Buddy

If you want to cheat at online checkers, Checker’s Buddy is the program to get. It’s specifically made to help improve your win/loss record at Yahoo Checkers or Pogo Checkers, but it should also be compatible with other free account checkers rooms. While lesser cheat programs can be banned by websites, Checker’s Buddy claims to be completely undetectable. The program will give you hints during play, or you can just see the best move available. You can also set it to automatically play on its own, allowing you to increase your Yahoo ranking or earn Pogo tokens while you head down to the local playground and cheat kids out of their lunch money in a game of Rock, Scissors, Paper. A 7-day free trial is available, but after that you’ll need to pay money to use the product. You’ll also need Java Sun, Internet Explorer 6.0 or better, and Windows 7, XP, or Vista. But if you’re serious about learning how to cheat at checkers, nothing beats Checker’s Buddy.

Cheating at Checkers-By-Mail

There are people who still enjoy playing checkers via the mail, but these folks can also be cheated with the proper amount of patience. The standard game of play-by-mail checkers requires participants to write down their next move and send it to their opponent through the postal service, but experienced cheaters will take huge amounts of time to make moves in the hopes of forcing their opponents to forfeit the game. You can also claim that your opponent never sent in his or her moves, although beware of astute players who use certified mail. The same strategy can also apply to play-by-email checkers, although the lackluster reputation of the USPS certainly helps in the first case.

Cheating at Checkers Against Real Opponents

Cheating at checkers against real opponents carries a bit more danger, as there’s always the chance that you get caught and beaten within an inch of your life. In most cases, however, the worst you’ll have to worry about is being struck with a walking cane or having a younger sibling tell on you. The next time you find yourself in a real-life game of checkers, be sure to use these outlandish strategies to reign supreme.

The Old Switcheroo - If your opponent is dimwitted or unusually old, you might be able to pull a fast one by turning the board around when they’re not looking. You’ll first need to distract them, so try yelling something like “Hey, it’s Frank Sinatra” (any old or dead celebrity will do). When they look around, quickly rotate the board so that the winning side is now in front of you. Now all that’s left to do is feign ignorance and begin your march towards victory. This tactic is especially effective against the blind or Sicilians from The Princess Bride.

Whose Move Is It? – I used to play checkers with a buddy who was easily distracted, and he’d ask me whose turn it was at least 10 times during the game. If you’re lucky enough to find an opponent like this, make sure that it always happens to be your turn. This allows you to make two moves for the price of one, and your Ritalin-deprived pal will never know what hit them.

The Power of the Do-Over - Another strategy for cheating at checkers involves the power of the do-over. This is when you get to take a move back and make another, although getting permission to do so may require begging, a straight face, and a notoriously short temper. All you have to do is convince your opponent that there’s no way you would’ve made that last move if you’d known what would happen next (never mind that this is the whole point of the game). If you can cajole them into granting a do-over, then you’ll be able to keep a piece in play and forever mark your opponent as a hopeless rube.

Knock Over the Board - If you find yourself losing, a desperation tactic is to “accidentally” knock over the board (spilling a beverage on it will also serve to wash away the pieces). Then you can either suggest calling it a draw, or you can reset the pieces and give yourself an advantage by moving some of your own into better position. If you get called on it, just act innocent and silently curse your opponent’s skills of observation.

Make Up Rules - When an opponent is gullible enough, feel free to make up new rules for checkers on the spot. This could range from “red gets to go again when they jump black” to “getting kinged allows me to bring another piece back onto the board.” This won’t work most of the time, but you’re guaranteed to win when it does. Just make sure to use your creativity and concoct the biggest lies possible for maximum pleasure.

That concludes our look at how to cheat at checkers. A feeling individual should be filled with remorse at this point, but anyone who would type “cheating at checkers” into a search engine isn’t human to begin with. As the world continues to spiral down the drain, have fun increasing your precious online ranking and humiliating old men in the park. And when you finally get to Hell, make sure to keep a seat at the checkerboard warm for me.